In Cyberslammed, Hot Topics, we discuss cyberbullying tactics that come from real-life news stories and insights on how to "identify, prevent, combat and transform them."

Minnesota-Recently a group of female high school football fans from one team got into it with fans from a rival team and is so often the case, they took their fight online.

A story in Fox9.com reports:

"Officials say at least one of the bullies made a post on Facebook urging a group of girls to go kill themselves...

Investigators say the suicide posts came from a fake Facebook account, and they're still trying to track down exactly who is behind it. "

[Note: If you've followed this blog, you'll know that a "Fake Facebook account" is what we call an Imposter Profile--a website or social networking profile set up by the perpetrator to appear as if it is owned or maintained by the target.]

The story goes on to say:

"Parents should be aware that what they send is often electronically traceable," Hattstrom warned. "If it's offensive or threatening in any nature, basically, you're going to hear from the Police Department."

Kids know that the "Go kill yourself" hot button is the ultimate insult/torment these days, particularly with the rash of international and national suicides that have been linked to cyberbullying this fall. I had a kid ask me yesterday, "How do you know if you're being cyberbullied?" as in when is it a prank and when does it get real?

According to Cyberbulling Research Center, the true definition  of cyberbullying (which we use in the book) is: "willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices."

A one-time prank where someone steals your password to your social networking profile and writes some mildly teasing or obnoxious words, while unpleasant, is not really cyberbullying. It's misconduct or peer harassment. But true cyberbullying is a calculated campaign. Keep in mind the words "willful and repeated harm."

Any time some one is threatening you, telling you to go kill yourself, using extremely derogatory language, publishing your private information, defaming you, libeling you....any time words and intent cross the line into criminal behavior, that's when you know it is real. And that's when it is advisable to bring the police into the situation.

Case in point: this story of a Veazie, ME target of criminal threats brought the police in. And in no time, they found out who the perpetrator was. Kids need to understand that just because you know how to write an anonymous comment via an anonymous account, you are never anonymous. Everyone leaves a digital footprint behind with every keystroke and the police, cyber crimes units and the FBI know exactly how to find the source of every electronic communication.

The rest of the article states:

"Police say they recognize there is a fine line between free speech and harmful threats, but they say charges are possible in this case. If students are behind the anonymous bullying, they will also face punishment from the Anoka-Hennepin School District."

Free speech does not lend itself to threats of any kind. In both the Minnesota and the Maine case, girls crossed the line, venting their frustration, their fears and their anger into something much more malevolent and lasting. And prosecutable. Unfortunately, most cyberbullying cases do not get the attention they need until they are at the highest threshold and become policeable. We need to have in-class or at-home training with our kids about cyberbullying before it's even at its lowest threshold to help them channel potential negative emotions into better outcomes.  Stay posted to this blog for more real-life examples of the most common cyberbullying tactics and what Cyberslammed and other Maine resources are doing to provide school trainings.

Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Summer Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book

As part of Cyberslammed’s research, I’ve been looking into Reputation Management companies since 2007 and the one that has truly impressed me is RegainYourName.com. [Full disclosure: We approached them after Cyberslammed was published to see if their reputation management services could somehow mesh with the “Combat” section of each tactic in the book. More on how this works below.]

From the beginning, RegainYourName.com’s interest in protecting kids from online defamation and Sexting came through as a genuine social mission—an integral part of their core values. Imagine being a teenager whose parents have no clue, whose teachers and school administrators are no help; who daily, sees her reputation getting annihilated online and has nowhere to turn. She may get a free consult with other RM companies, but in the end, it will cost her thousands of dollars to get bad content pushed down off search engines. For that teenager? Dead end, once again.

 As a UK nonprofit, recently founded in 2010, RegainYourName.com is very helpfully about the DIY philosophy, that is “do what you can yourself—first.” they offer free Twitter, Facebook and website resources along with free email advice. [For teenagers with little real life support, this is a lifeline.] Next, for around $30, they offer e-guides and videos that for example, teach how to remove and report cyberbullying content yourself off Facebook including:

• Report and delete cyberbullying, cyberstalking and privacy issues on Facebook.
• Ensure you communicate with a real person at Facebook.
• Use applicable local laws to remove content.
• Use Facebook’s ‘Terms of Service’ to make a complaint which will result in deleted content.

One of the # 1 complaints I’m starting to hear from parents when their child is being cyberbullied is that they don’t know where to start, who to go to first, and even if they take it to the police, Facebook or the schools, if their complaints are even effective! That’s why I like RegainYourName’s no-nonsense approach.

Regain Your Name was created by a reputation management consultant who had previously worked in education, and a victim of cyber stalking and harassment who knew first-hand what would and wouldn’t achieve the removal of bullying material on the Internet. Drawing on experience of e-safety in education, cyberbullying and social media marketing, they offer advice to individuals, schools and anti-bullying advocates based on our considerable experience in this field. All of their eBook and video material stems from real examples of removing grossly offensive material on the web. All of their free advice is based on strategies they’ve already seen work.

Here’s how their knowledge and expertise dovetails with what we’ve learned. Take Sexting, one of the tactics in our book, for example. While we use a social-emotional model to get to the bottom of motivation behind Sexting,  RegainYourName is all about getting that potentially criminal content off the ‘Net. Fast! No wasting time going through the wrong channels when every second counts. They know how to do it and they aren’t holding this knowledge “hostage.” As they told us:

For example – we get a lot of requests for advice on removing pictures resulting from Sexting – from both teenagers and adults. Currently, using copyright infringement is the most effective way to remove these from search results and social networking – by using  DMCA legislation. (Since a phone or webcam was used, the copyright is owned by the person who created the image – and not whoever has published it without permission.)

Apart from their online services, they also offer training solutions, speakers for conference events, schools and educational workshops. In a recent email exchange, it’s clear their work empowers students who fear psychological harm from cyberbullying:

I’ve used the removal guides myself with Y8 students in the UK (7th and 8th grade equivalent) with good results. Interestingly it wasn’t the fact the cyberbullying could be deleted after the event, which appealed most to them, it was the prior knowledge that the cyberbullying could be removed which proved most powerful. The ‘threat’ of cyberbullying, partly caused by a lack of knowledge and information, was at least on a psychological level in terms of the level of worry, reduced. Those pupils who admitted that they had been tempted to bully, or retaliate in a bullying manner, also revealed that they would be less likely to do so in future given the knowledge that the abuse was traceable and removable. Not a scientific study by any means – but an interesting basis for a thesis.

In the future, we hope to provide a live Facebook or webinar forum for adults and teens with expert contributors and would like to invite RegainYourName’s founders to answer live Q&A on one of our six tactics topics. Like RegainYourName, and like us, this isn’t about the almighty bottom line. Yes, we have businesses to run, but when teenagers’ lives and reputations are at stake, there is much we can do to empower adults and teens to take back control over their digital footprint.

I'm sure every pair of eyes were on Amanda Todd's mother when she got up before a group of Metro Vancouver mothers in her first public appearance since her daughter's death.

"If my daughter didn't believe everyone at the end of that Internet was innocent she would be alive today," she said in a November 5 Vancouver Sun story 

As always, the point of this blog is to examine the tactics used in individual cyberbullying cases and to dissect them as a way to provide parents and educators with teachable moments for the kids in their lives.
According to an article in Digital Journal, when Amanda was 12 years old, she flashed her breasts to a boy she'd met online through a webcam she was using with friends.

"Police knocked on her door early on Christmas Eve of that year to tell her the picture had been posted online. This began her slide into depression that included anxiety, substance abuse, and cutting herself."

Not knowing the family personally, I can only speculate, but it sounds as if the girls were role playing a flirty version of "Girls Gone Wild" like it was a joke, a lark.This type of Sexting happens all the time; it's what author Nancy Willard Executive Director of the Center for Safe and Responsible Internet Use characterizes as a way to negotiate relationship issues, not actual cyberbullying Sexting. At 12, Todd probably wouldn't have thought what kind of terrible consequences could derive from flashing a stranger.

But the cyberbullying instantly started with a nasty Digital Pile On as well as morphed offline into physical bullying where Todd was actually beaten up by a group of teens.

In the Vancouver Sun article, Carol Todd told the group: "Amanda eventually came to realize the mistakes that she made from that one night when she was 12 years old," Todd told the crowd, referring to an incident in which Amanda flashed someone on the Internet. "She never thought it would come to haunt her for the rest of her life. It was a mistake - it became a life sentence and in the end, it contributed to her death."

Webcams or smartphones--the technology doesn't matter-when it comes to Sexting, there are multiple reasons to do it and the underlying conversation every mother needs to be having with her daughter before the new phone is handed over is: Can I trust you to protect yourself with this device? Pre-play with them the various scenarios.

Tell her what happened to Amanda, to thousands of girls across the country whose innocent mistakes have come back to haunt them. The Sexting conversation is essential in every household these days, more than any other topic we cover in our book. The technology will always be available. It's up to us to prevent the behavior.

Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book