According to a Dec. 19 story by News Center Maine, Maine ranks fifth in the nation for number of reported cyberbullying victims. This data comes from a study by Social Catfish that states the national average of cyberbullying victims per state is about 4,300 -- but Maine's number is nearly twice that with 9,402 reported victims.

Given that Cyberslammed originated in Maine just as the state enacted its first cyberbullying law, this news should not come as a surprise to the many teachers, administrators and parents who live in this state.

See our free resources or buy the book to know how to handle the tactics.

In Denver, school officials found out the hard way the lengths to which students will go to impersonate "official" Facebook pages of the Denver Public Schools (DPS), creating unsupervised places for teens to cyberbully each other.

These "fake Facebook profiles"  are in fact, Imposter Profiles, the term for one of the six cyberbullying tactics we discuss in Cyberslammed.

An Imposter Profile is set up to deliberately confuse and mislead the public to believe it is owned by someone else (usually the target of cyberbullying).

In this case, the teens set up the Imposter Profile to resemble an official DPS page in order to cyberbully unsuspecting students. Once the real DPS got wind of it, however, they shut it down.

Has your teen been a victim of the Imposter Profile tactic? Buy our book online to determine how to Understand, Prevent, Combat & Transform this tactic.

​Source: The Denver Channel.

Guest blog by Laura Pearson, Edutude.net

In today’s world of constant exposure to the news, cyberbullying, and the stress of everyday adolescence, being a young person is already fraught with anxiety. When there is an actual issue with their mental health, however, it can be difficult for a child or teen to come to their parents and talk about it, in part because they may not understand it or know how to name it. Yet anxiety--and all the things that can follow it, such as stress, depression, and isolation--can be especially harmful to young people and can affect the way they function at school or in everyday life.
 
That’s why it’s important to talk to your child if they are exhibiting symptoms of anxiety and learn the best ways to control and manage it. What works for one person may not work for another, so you and your loved one may need to try a few different methods to find something that fits. This could mean medication, therapy, coping mechanisms, or a combination of all three.
 
Your child may respond to anxiety in a variety of ways, depending on her age. Here are a few of the best ways to handle any situation, no matter how old your child is.
 
Help her practice self-care
 
Many emotional issues are easier to handle when we feel good in other ways, so help your child stick to a daily workout schedule and eat a well-balanced diet. Lots of good rest is always good, as well, so create a bedtime routine that will calm and soothe her for a good night’s sleep. Talk to her about the best ways to keep healthy habits, which will help her make good decisions down the road when it comes to using substances to numb the anxiety. For more tips on how to do this, read on here.
 
Talk it out
 
Allowing your child to have a voice when it comes to what makes her nervous or afraid is a big part of letting her learn to cope with it. Sometimes, talking about what comes next can be extremely helpful. Maybe she’s nervous about something related to school, or about a scary event she saw on the news. Refrain from telling her that “everything will be alright”, which diminishes her feelings. Instead, talk about a good plan of action to help her get through it.
 
Look for alternative forms of therapy
 
Sometimes, living with anxiety can be overwhelming. Many people seek the help of a professional who can assist them with getting through their feelings, and while this may be an option for your child, it’s a good idea to look for alternative methods, as well. These can include facing the fear rather than avoiding a possible trigger, keeping a journal to get overwhelming thoughts in order, and art therapy.
 
This is a particularly effective method for young people, as it allows them to express their feelings through creativity such as painting, drawing, acting, dancing, singing, or cooking. Channeling that energy into something tangible often has wonderful benefits and has been used to help victims of PTSD in the past.
 
Plan for “in the moment”
 
Long term methods for coping with anxiety are great to have, but it’s also important for your child to be able to handle those feelings in the moment. Talk to her about a plan of action that will help her face the negative emotions and get through them. This might include learning breathing exercises or focusing on a physical object that brings comfort or calm.
 
Adolescent anxiety can lead to all sorts of negative side effects, but with an early start on learning the best ways to manage it and cope with it, your child will have the tools she needs as she grows older. Start with a good plan and keep communication open in order to help your loved one get through this difficult time.

By Laura Pearson, Edutude.net

Cyberbullying occurs when children or teens use online communication to abuse or degrade a peer. “Unlike bullying, cyberbullying doesn’t require physical strength or a face-to-face meeting. Anyone with an Internet connection and a device can be a cyberbully,” says Norton. It can happen 24/7, and the bully can easily remain anonymous. Being the new kid at school can make a child an easy target for bullies, and being a target of cyberbullying can lead the victim to feel depressed, withdrawn, and, in some cases, suicidal. If your child is being cyberbullied, it’s extremely important to know the steps to take.
 
Talking with Your Child
 
Once you learn that your child is a victim of cyberbullying, the safety and well-being of your child is the top priority, so ensure he or she is not only physically safe, but that he or she feels safe. Communicate unconditional support for your child. Never blame your child, minimize the situation, or make excuses for the attacker. Make your child aware that you will do everything you can to stop the cyberbully.
 
Sit down to talk with your child and listen, and try to remain as calm as possible. Be engaged in the conversation and ask questions to get as much detail as possible without making your child feel overwhelmed. Never respond to a bully, but definitely collect the evidence. Print or take screenshots of conversations, messages, pictures, and any other proof that your child is being cyberbullied.
 
You should also take measures to prevent your child from becoming a victim of cyberbullying again. For example, set up privacy controls within each platform of social media to block the bully from contacting your child. Also, encourage your child to always report any new or recurring issues with any bullies, even seemingly small issues.
 
Contacting and Involving Others
 
If the bully attends the same school as your child, contact the school. “Your child has the right to feel safe at school, and educators are responsible to ensure this through an investigation and appropriate response,” says the Cyberbullying Research Center. You should also contact the content providers where the bullying occurred (websites, apps, Internet or cell companies), even if the bully isn’t identifiable. Cyberbullying violates the Terms of Service of all legitimate service providers. Never contact the parents of the bully.
 
If physical threats were made, contact the police. If your local department isn’t helpful, contact county or state law enforcement officials, who often have more resources and expertise in technology-related offenses. The U.S. Department of Education takes discrimination cases very seriously if children are limited in their ability to learn and thrive at school, so contact the Office of Civil Rights if the bullying is based on race, sex, or disability.
 
Stress-Free Home Environment
 
While all children need a stress-free home environment, those dealing with the emotional challenges of moving and a cyberbully especially need it. Help your child create a happy place in the home. Whether it’s a special chair or a nook in his or her room, your child needs a place to go where other family members will know not to disturb him or her in this zone.
 
Keeping the house clear of clutter can also minimize stress levels. Find a way to neatly organize items that are typically tossed on a table or countertop. Whether it’s a basket or a few hooks, create a place where your child can organize items he or she uses each day, such as sunglasses, keys, scarves, wallets, and similar items.
 
Place houseplants or flowers throughout your home. Studies have shown that the presence of plants improves the recovery of hospital patients and reduces blood pressure of office workers. Also, tending to plants has been shown to reduce stress. Remove televisions and computers out of the bedroom entirely, which can result in better sleep.
 
If you’ve recently moved across the country and you’ve found yourself in the dilemma of dealing with a cyberbully, knowing how to handle it can resolve the issue quicker and make your child feel more at ease. Remember to always be calm and supportive, and be sure to contact the appropriate authorities. While everything is being sorted out, it’s even more crucial that you maintain a stress-free home environment for your child. No matter the outcome, take steps to prevent your child from becoming a victim of future cyberbully attacks.

Ethel is now available in paperback! Unlike reality stars who have to post nude selfies to get attention, here's a plucky little heroine who has braved unwarranted cyberbullying and stood up for herself in the bravest way possible. Go Ethel! Here's a partial Goodreads review of the book.

"As soon as I started reading this book, I was intrigued. Ethel is no ordinary girl, and she seems to fit in well at school, even with her unusual style and vibrant personality. I liked her right away, and I couldn't stop reading to find out how things would turn out for her."

"I love the diversity in this book, not just of race, but also of culture, social status, and family structure. This book has it all!"

The grammar and writing style are very good. That's always a positive point for self-published novels, which, sadly, often contain numerous typos and grammar errors. Not this book, though. I can tell the author made extra effort in getting it perfect before publication (and chose a skilled editor)."
*** Read More

Here's another story this week about a 10-year-old girl from Canada who found herself targeted by a group of girls at school.

According to CBC News, the mother made a Facebook post stating "a group of girls her age (10 yrs old) created a profile under her name... and have been commenting on (friends) photos telling them to go and kill themselves."

Most parents still don't know what this is, so we'll tell you. It's called an Imposter Profile, a cyberbullying tactic, in which the perpetrator(s) create a fake social media account in the name of the person they are targeting to get everybody to believe the account is owned and maintained by the target.

The article doesn't offer much in the way of resolution to this common tactic, we have an entire chapter dedicated to how to prevent and handle it in Cyberslammed, including when to bring in the school, the police or even the law.

As far as the horrible comment of "Go kill yourself" we have seen that tactic over and over again in cyberbullying as a way for the perpetrator to emotionally destroy someone. In school presentations I've done, I've told kids time and again to mentally prepare themselves for that phrase and to come up with self-talk ahead of time to protect themselves against it.

Here's hoping that little girl will be able to find strength and resilence and that her school will have a cyberbullying policy in place (also included in our book!).

Buy Cyberslammed online or contact me for a signed softcover copy.

Funstagram is the latest free anonymous app available on iTunes that allows you to take a photo of someone without their knowledge or consent and add a ridiculing comment to it.

It's always amazing to me that these apps' designers don't want to believe that people won't misuse their app. (Or they choose not to care.)

In any case, the official description says: "Funstagram! is a hilarious new camera app that lets you bust out some AWESOME FUNNY SOUNDS, take priceless funny photos of your friends, then add the PERFECT CAPTION and SHARE ONLINE! Humiliate your friends (or that random victim across the room) – turn your photos from *yawn* to *GENIUS* - join the PARTY!"

Yet, from an ABC 6 News article, a reporter investigated how it's really being used by teenagers. "Things like, “you look like a pig”, “come out of the closet” and “takes the disabled bus to school” are some of the captions," according to the article.

Parents and educators be aware that Funstagram is yet one more way for a cyberbully to intentionally inflict harm on a target despite what its designers says.

Let's call out this anonymous cyberbullying app out for what it is and start 2017 on a better note.

At the tail end of 2016, Twitter released a statement that said: “The amount of abuse, bullying, and harassment we’ve seen across the Internet has risen sharply over the past few years."

And now they are planning to implement some new functions intended to curb cyberbullying.

Twitter is adding a “mute” function, which will enable people to block accounts they don’t want to see tweets from as well as keywords, phrases and conversations they don’t want to get notifications about.

Said Del Harvey, Twitter’s vice president of trust and safety.“We don’t expect these announcements to suddenly remove abusive conduct from Twitter. No single action by us would do that. Instead, we commit to rapidly improving Twitter based on everything we observe and learn.”

Basically it's the same function as Facebook's function which allows you to block someone's content without officially unfollowing him or her.

See more about Twitter's mute function here.

Kay is a national player on the forefront of research about internet safety, and her presentation was a chilling reminder that ALL of us are vulnerable to online predators, not just teenagers.  We encourage you to go to the Cyberslammed website and read a little about the risks, so you know how to help your kids--and you--stay safe online.  She maintains a blog on the website that keeps track of the latest cases and risks in online safety.  Kay's book Cyberslammed is also available at both the GSB and Skidompha Libraries for check out.

Kay's presentation outlined six ways predators take advantage or bully their victims: digital pile-ons, rating websites, impostor profiles, haters clubs, sexting, and videojacking.  She defined each one and gave tips for how to avoid becoming a victim.  These are also detailed in her book and website.

We learned MANY things we did not know, and found a couple of ideas particularly chilling:

• Photos and videos posted innocently can go viral even when the person posting them has been discreet, simply by one person in the "friend" circle dragging and dropping them onto a website, for instance a rating website like "Hot or Not."
• Once an embarrassing viral photo or video is out there online, it is legally almost impossible to reel those images back in.  The are OUT THERE from now on for future educators, employers, or friends to see.  Every Google search on a name will call up these images, especially since facial recognition software means your image can be easily tied to your identity.  
• There are "Internet Trolls" online looking for ways to stir up trouble.  They are experts at finding conflict, for instance, inviting relatively "private" cruel conversations and bullying situations into public chat rooms where other people can pile on to the victim.
• Photos do not have to be explicit or provocative to go viral!  Even silly photos can be taken out of context and used to embarrass people online.
• For minors, sending an explicit picture--even of yourself!--over the Internet or cell phone text is considered trafficking in pornography.  If the person in the photo is underage this is considered child porn.  Kay showed terrifying photos of young kids in orange jumpsuits: locked up for texting nude selfies.
  

Please educate yourselves, so you can help your children make good choices!

Racism and xenophobia has been on the rise for years under the Obama administration. With Donald Trump's racist rhetoric and now the Brexit vote, kids are watching how adults behave. And they emulate what adults do and think. But one woman is using a household item to let people know they take to stand up against xenophobic or racist abuse in the wake of the Brexit referendum. It's a safety pin- a literal symbol that says to people: you can sit next to me on the bus. You can come to me for help.

Imagine if student allies of the bullied and cyberbullied all across the world adopted this trend? On the first day back to school, it would be such a relief to see someone wearing a pin and know you could sit next to them on the bus or you could sit next to them at lunch, talk to them in the hallway. A symbol of safety.

See the video here. Tweet and share #safetypin

A San Antonio father spoke to News4sa.com about the horrendous treatment his 17-year-old son received via a fake Twitter and Instagram accounts this month. The accounts were a version of what we call an Imposter Profile (a cyberbullying tactic that sets up an anonymous account to dupe the viewer in believing it is owned by the target).

According to News4sa.com, Leo Vasquez said:
"When I saw the Twitter accounts and really the content of the attacks and how vile and malicious and disgusting they were, that's what really upset me."


The bully created fake, anonymous Twitter and Instagram accounts to try and terrorize Vasquez's son, Matt, who'd been battling lymphoma for the last two years.

Compounding Vasquez' frustration, law enforcement provided little help and they couldn't determine how to unmask the cyberbully, who would just recreate a new account after the old one was deleted.

The only way to cut through this red tape, as we outline in our award-winning book Cyberslammed, is to work with an attorney to obtain a subpeona.

As Texas happens to have a cyberbullying law that outlaws cyber-impersonation, this subpeona could be used to unmask the perpetrator electronically so that they could move forward with criminal charges.

Learn how to protect yourself and what your state laws are. You are not helpless to fight this!

Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book

We've got a "wake up call" resource for you. Can a school be sued if  the victim is bullied/cyberbullied? Yes, it can. If you are a counselor or IT Coordinator of a school in and you're not sure if your school has a bullying/cyberbullying policy or you're a parent whose child has been a victim, this is a MUST READ.

An organization called Injury Claim Coach recently asked us to reprint this resource on our page. It will get you up to speed on what constitutes cyberbullying/bullying as well as what your school's liability is. Any school who has to comply with state law on bullying/cyberbullying needs to pay close attention. I'm not an attorney, but if your school is mandated to provide a policy, training and reporting of bullying/cyberbullying and has not done so, it is a breach of legal duty and constitutes negligence.


Guide to Protecting Your Child From Bullying and Violence at School
(Reprinted with permission) by Judge Anthony P. Calisi (ret.)
Bullying is an increasingly prevalent problem, with more than 750,000 reported acts of school violence each year.[1][2] Bullying and school violence can occur on and off school property, and involve perpetrators, victims, and witnesses.
Five Forms of Bullying

1. Physical bullying consists of the use physical aggression, such as pushing and punching. Many schools have a zero tolerance policy to physical bullying. Physical bullying can involve one or more perpetrators.[3][4]


2. Verbal bullying consists of the use of language to assail another student, such as teasing, mocking, or name-calling. Verbal bullying often occurs in view of witnesses.[5]


3. Reactive bullying consists of one student falsely presenting themselves as a victim when they themselves are the bully. Reactive bullies persistently taunt, tease, push, or strike their victims until the victim strikes out.[6]


4. Cyberbullying consists of the use of social media to willfully, viciously and maliciously harass a student, whether by posting unflattering and compromising photographs, making derogatory, demeaning, or hurtful remarks, or to otherwise abuse, belittle, or harass another student.[7]


5. Vandalism and theft are forms of bullying that consist of damaging or stealing a student's property, such as their clothing, money, or electronic devices. Feelings of powerlessness, despair, anger, or fear related to social status and school experiences can lead students to vandalize school property.[8]

Go to this link to read more and to learn what a school's liability is.

Recently The Bangor Daily News ran an article "Racism in Maine schools or 'kids just being kids?' which revealed the results of school compliance over the last three years when Maine's anti-bullying law was enacted in 2012.

You should read the whole thing because I'm going to read between the lines.

As the article explained: "Maine’s anti-bullying law requires school administrators to annually report instances of bullying, cyberbullying, hazing or bias-based harassment motivated by race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation, age, gender, or any of a long list of characteristics or perceived characteristics.

The Education Department also developed a model policy for schools and required all Maine schools to develop similar policies to deal with bullying, harassment and sexual harassment."

So how did schools do over the last three years?

From the first infograph below, it appears that the majority of schools may not have seriously complied with the law and reporting requirements until 2015--at least that's what the notes suggest. And just 87 of Maine’s 620 public schools reported at least one instance of bullying, hazing or harassment to the state. Not counting Maine's private schools, that means less than 10% of schools have reported a cyberbullying incident.

Look, we know that cyberbullying happens in every single school, so these incidents of under-reporting are troubling at the very least.

The BDN reporter spoke to Rep. Terry Morrison, D-South Portland, who sponsored Maine’s anti-bullying legislation. In the article Morrison said he’s disappointed with the lack of follow-through on the responsibilities outlined in the law.

“We left it up to the department to manage themselves,” said Morrison in the article. “Before we jump the gun and blame them for not caring, we should figure out what … is behind it, and then ask, ‘How can I help you get the tools to succeed?’”

When reporting a cyberbullying incident, the form doesn't ask for race, religion or gender.  Further, Maine does not analyze the bullying reports, according to Anne Gabbianelli, director of communications for the Education Department  who was interviewed by the BDN.

What an astounding missed opportunity this is and exactly what would have been needed, as Morrison stated for schools  "to get the tools you need to succeed." In order to get to the root of bullying and cyberbullying, you need to understand what tactics are being used.

Schools are supposed to report all bullying and cyberbullying incidents, but the law leaves it up to the schools to interpret what constitutes bullying or cyberbullying.  What if the administration don't know what cyberbullying actually is?  Most of the schools I visited in 2012-2013 in Maine to do cyberbullying presentations had a very rudimentary understanding of the nuances of cyberbullying. (I actually learned of one Maine middle school that tried to punish a child for using her friend's password classifying it as "cyberbullying"--which it clearly wasn't.)

While some of the schools I visited are firmly on board with a policy, reporting and training, I can safely say with the majority of schools, there is still a lack of awareness on this issue.

This is the state that led the nation with our 1:1 laptop movement for all middle and high school students. I've spoken to so many parents, teachers, counselors and school nurses who deal with this every day and they are frustrated. A school cannot fix its cyberbullying problem if it doesn't even use the tools it's required to implement.

Let's see what 2016 holds. If you need me to come to your school and deliver a presentation to the administration and a working plan to address cyberbullying, I will bring your administration up to speed on what they need to have in place and then I'll leave you with the right tools (and presentations for kids) that will allow you to take control of this issue in a strategic way.

Click here for more information.

Fitting that on Valentine's Day, an Idaho newspaper Post Register reporting on a Times-News story revealed a new app teens are downloading to their phones called 'After School.'

As we always say: same tactics: different technology. After School is an anonymous Rating Site, which allows users to make lewd sexual comparisons about their classmates with zero consequences. According to the story, the "...widespread use of the After School app has left a vicious mark of bullying in its wake — along with a lot of sex talk that includes the names of students and educators."

Posts on After School message boards tied to other south-central Idaho schools have included nude photos of students, derogatory comments about appearance, name calling and comments about students’ body parts."

If you are a parent, you should already be having a conversation about what apps are unacceptable to download with your teen, especially if you own their phone. Click here on expert advice on how to have The Conversation as well as smart tools to prevent cyberbullying on your teen's phone.

Schools and parents need to know if they try to download the app, they will find it requires student verification in the form of a student identification card or driver’s license. The app logs in the student through his or her Facebook account, which makes deleting it more difficult.

If you need to know how a Rating Site occurs (one of our six most common cyberbullying tactics, buy our Parent's Guide To A Rating Site on Kindle or purchase a softcover copy of Cyberslammed, our award-winning cyberbullying book.

As a thank you to our Maine community, for Internet Safety Day, we are offering ALL of our ebooks for FREE today Feb 10 and tomorrow Feb 11. That’s our award-winning Cyberslammed™ cyberbullying manual for adults, two Parent’s Guides and our companion middle grade novel for tween girls, Ethel Is HOT LOL. Download to your Kindle for an exceptional value!
Click for free download

You'd think after all this time, app and feature designers would consider how the latest tool they're promoting could be used to cyberbully, wouldn't you?
That's what Twitter is now realizing after rolling out a new feature that allows users to post poll questions.

Of course teenagers will use it to negatively rate each other. A Utah high school just figured that out when they discovered tweets with the poll feature asking people to rate the body parts of specific students, vote on an individual student's perceived level of sexual activity, or comment on the status of their relationships with other students. Read the whole story here.

For those who aren't familiar with this tactic, it's called a Rating Site, one of the six tactics listed in our cyberbullying prevention book, Cyberslammed. It's a common tactic to negatively rate, denounce or judge someone publicly. 

Said one of the teens in the story: "This isn't just kids being kids," Campbell said. "This is kids being mean. You can see kids getting revenge on other kids through the polls.
"It's definitely kids you go to school with," she added, "because it's rumors and it's everyone's deepest darkest secrets."


Know what to do when a group of people use Instagram, Facebook or  Internet polls to upload someone's photo and get bystanders to vote for their "ugliest," "fattest," "dumbest" peers? Our  Parent's Guide To A Rating Website is available on Kindle for $2.99. Buy here.

Or get up to speed on five other cyberbullying tactics along with this tactic in our award-winning book Cyberslammed.

It took the Federal Investigation Agency (FIA) nearly 1 1/2 months to track down and arrest a 21-year-old Pakistani college student after cyber harassing a former schoolmate through an Imposter Profile he created in her likeness.

When media is not familiar with this cyberbullying tactic, they typically call it a "fake website" or "fake Facebook account." What happened was, the young man had been friends with the victim, but when he perceived her to brush him off and show interest in another boy, he decided to "punish" her by creating an Imposter Profile. This is when the cyberbully sets up a website or profile and gets the profile's followers to believe it is genuinely owned by the target. This kind of tactic has a lot of power and the cyberbully can do immense reputation damage in a very short time.

Read the entire story here.

If someone you know is an unwitting victim of this type of cyberbullying tactic, get information fast on how to work through and resolve it with the police.  $12.50 Buy The Book

At the start of the school year, a Detroit Free Press article, "Cyberbullying or not? Parents have inconsistent views" underscores why 15 years into the cyberbullying era, adults still have trouble discerning what is "mean behavior" and what actually constitutes cyberbullying.

According to the article: "Despite rising concerns about cyberbullying among kids, the results of a national poll by University of Michigan researchers show parents are largely uncertain about what should be labeled cyberbullying and how — or whether — teens should be punished for it."

The poll followed a survey released last month giving parents four hypothetical scenarios to ascertain whether or not the scenarios were truly cyberbullying incidents. Between 30% and 50% of parents were unsure if these actions were cyberbullying.

See the entire poll and survey here.

Here's what you need to know. The technology consistently evolves; but the behaviors remain the same. There are definitive behaviors that are, in fact, defined as cyberbullying by schools, attorneys and law enforcement all over the country. Get to know what they are, so that as parents, you're not in the dark when something happens to your child and as school officials, you have a clear understanding when an incident arises in school!

Get all of the tactics in one book--Cyberslammed--and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying.  Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book

In Maine news this week after a 14-year-old Rockport boy threatened a 13-year-old girl through social media, there’s been a predictable amount of virulent conversations on social media concerning the teens, their parents, the school, and technology in general.

First, let’s start with the correct definition of what happened. A 14-year-old male allegedly threatened a 13-year-old girl with rape if she did not send nude photographs of herself. He also allegedly alluded that he was watching her, which is typically a hush tactic; i.e., "you tell on me and I'll make it worse for you."

This is more than just a threat on social media. It’s technically a form of what’s known as sexting extortion, or ‘sextortion.’

“Sexting” refers to taking nude photos of oneself and sharing the photo via cellphone. And why do teens do that? Because today, it is considered a form of relationship currency. Click here to read more of the legal dangers of underage consensual sexting.

But this was not consensual. This was extortion, and you’d better believe the police will get involved when something like this happens.

I’m not going to get into the whys with this column — I don’t know the parents or the kids, so I’m not qualified to speak on why it happened.

But, I am going to talk about how this was — and still is — preventable.

Since 2002, through Governor King’s 1:1 laptop initiative, every middle school and high school student in Maine was granted access to first a laptop, and later an iPad, to help them advance their 21st-Century skills.

But the gift came with virtually little to zero training on ethical digital behaviors and cyberbullying. I know, because throughout the 2000s, I was doing public presentations on cyberbullying for schools.

In 2012, when our cyberbullying book came out, a law passed in Maine mandating every single middle and high school enact a cyberbullying policy with training for the kids and for the staff.

I went around to schools and conferences on top of my full time job, for more than a year and gave free presentations to schools about sexting and other forms of cyberbullying. It opened the eyes of administrators and staff from dozens of Maine schools; but in 2013, still doing these presentations, I can honestly say, maybe three to four of the schools I visited got serious about the policy.

No school I knew of had, at that point, implemented any serious cyberbullying training or curriculum. (Not just some half-day assembly that students would forget in a few weeks.)

This, is of course, a field observation. Things might have changed now. I know MLTI offers Common Sense Media’s free Digital Literacy and Citizenship curriculum to schools, but it’s such light lunch. It does not get into the roots of serious cyberbullying (with all of its various moving parts).

I know teachers and administrators have earnestly tried to get a handle on this, but they’re not getting supported at the top.

So, it’s up to the parents. That’s what I’ve concluded after three years of working to try and turn Maine’s cyberbullying problem around. There has been woefully little done to even address it, much less turn it around. Three years after this law passed, Maine still ranks dead last in New England for controlling cyberbullying according to the latest study. Massachusetts ranks first nationally.

So, what can you do? First, it doesn’t matter what the app was used in this sexting extortion. (For the record, it was Snapchat).

If you kill the app off your kid’s phone, another toxic one will spring up in six months. Guaranteed. What you have to do is have ‘The Conversation’ when it comes to your kids’ use of digital devices.

The Conversation is a three-pronged approach, based on the strategies of self-defense:

1. Discuss what you consider acceptable and unacceptable uses of your child’s digital device. Here's how one Massachusetts mom got her son to sign an 18-point agreement on the condition of receiving his new iPhone. Use her strategy. Likely you already own the devices and that's your leverage.
2. Get familiar with the most frequent apps and social media platforms your teen is drawn to. Don't know what these tactics are? Stay on top of it with our Hot Topics blog on the most common types of cyberbullying.
3. Next, have a talk about conflict. Conflict is the root of most cyberbullying situations and it is inevitable your child will be involved in conflict at some point with a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a teacher or even a stranger. Whether your child is the target, the instigator or caught in the cross-fire, "pre-playing" the potential outcomes to the conflict is key.

Lastly, here’s my professional opinion on the app Snapchat used in this particular situation.

Snapchat is a free app for iPhones, iPads and Android phones, allowing you to send a photo that will supposedly disappear in 10 seconds.

It was originally designed so the recipient couldn’t save the photo, but there have been workarounds for years to thwart that without Snapchat notifying the sender.

For minors, (and even impressionable young adults above 18) it is a sure fire way to get in legal trouble with even just one mistake. It guarantees many years of emotional pain and self-loathing when that “mistake,” a nude selfie, gets into the hands of a malicious person who shares or publicizes it.

If you have had The Conversation and you trust your teen 100 percent that he or she will never make that mistake, it’s your call to let him or her keep Snapchat and/or other apps like it on their digital devices. But if you even have a single doubt, get rid of it off your minor’s phone, iPad or digital device.

That’s my blunt advice.

Ignore the cries, “But everybody has it. I’ll be unpopular.”

Refer them to the 18-point agreement.

Here’s how to delete the app off each device:

1. Go to https://support.snapchat.com/delete-account in any web browser.
2. Enter your Snapchat username and password.(See 18-point agreement once again for this password)
3. Check the box confirming you aren't a robot.
4. Click on Submit.
5. Re-enter your password on the next page.
6. Click on Delete My Account.

Kay Stephens is a writer for Penobscot Bay Pilot, as well as an award-winning author of fiction and nonfiction. Her book, Cyberslammed, was used by the Maine Department of Education, in part, to draw up a sample cyberbullying policy for schools in Maine. More help for parents and schools, including the latest threats, cyberbullying apps and tactics can be found at cyberslammed.com

With more screen time in the summer, conflicts that started in school, have more of a chance to fester in unsupervised settings. Get these books loaded onto your Kindle and arm yourself with some practical resources on what to do if your teen faces or is embroiled in cyberbullying this summer!

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