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Free cyberbullying books for Internet Safe Day!

2/9/2016

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As a thank you to our Maine community, for Internet Safety Day, we are offering ALL of our ebooks for FREE today Feb 10 and tomorrow Feb 11. That’s our award-winning Cyberslammed™ cyberbullying manual for adults, two Parent’s Guides and our companion middle grade novel for tween girls, Ethel Is HOT LOL. Download to your Kindle for an exceptional value!
Click for free download
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New Twitter poll feature used as a cyberbullying Rating Site

11/18/2015

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You'd think after all this time, app and feature designers would consider how the latest tool they're promoting could be used to cyberbully, wouldn't you?
That's what Twitter is now realizing after rolling out a new feature that allows users to post poll questions.

Of course teenagers will use it to negatively rate each other. A Utah high school just figured that out when they discovered tweets with the poll feature asking people to rate the body parts of specific students, vote on an individual student's perceived level of sexual activity, or comment on the status of their relationships with other students. Read the whole story here.

For those who aren't familiar with this tactic, it's called a Rating Site, one of the six tactics listed in our cyberbullying prevention book, Cyberslammed. It's a common tactic to negatively rate, denounce or judge someone publicly. 

Said one of the teens in the story: "This isn't just kids being kids," Campbell said. "This is kids being mean. You can see kids getting revenge on other kids through the polls.
"It's definitely kids you go to school with," she added, "because it's rumors and it's everyone's deepest darkest secrets."


Know what to do when a group of people use Instagram, Facebook or  Internet polls to upload someone's photo and get bystanders to vote for their "ugliest," "fattest," "dumbest" peers? Our  Parent's Guide To A Rating Website is available on Kindle for $2.99. Buy here.

Or get up to speed on five other cyberbullying tactics along with this tactic in our award-winning book Cyberslammed.




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 Imposter Profile created because perpetrator was jealous

11/2/2015

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It took the Federal Investigation Agency (FIA) nearly 1 1/2 months to track down and arrest a 21-year-old Pakistani college student after cyber harassing a former schoolmate through an Imposter Profile he created in her likeness.

When media is not familiar with this cyberbullying tactic, they typically call it a "fake website" or "fake Facebook account." What happened was, the young man had been friends with the victim, but when he perceived her to brush him off and show interest in another boy, he decided to "punish" her by creating an Imposter Profile. This is when the cyberbully sets up a website or profile and gets the profile's followers to believe it is genuinely owned by the target. This kind of tactic has a lot of power and the cyberbully can do immense reputation damage in a very short time.

Read the entire story here.


If someone you know is an unwitting victim of this type of cyberbullying tactic, get information fast on how to work through and resolve it with the police.  $12.50 Buy The Book
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News flash: Adults are still uncertain what cyberbullying really is

9/22/2015

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At the start of the school year, a Detroit Free Press article, "Cyberbullying or not? Parents have inconsistent views" underscores why 15 years into the cyberbullying era, adults still have trouble discerning what is "mean behavior" and what actually constitutes cyberbullying.

According to the article: "Despite rising concerns about cyberbullying among kids, the results of a national poll by University of Michigan researchers show parents are largely uncertain about what should be labeled cyberbullying and how — or whether — teens should be punished for it."

The poll followed a survey released last month giving parents four hypothetical scenarios to ascertain whether or not the scenarios were truly cyberbullying incidents. Between 30% and 50% of parents were unsure if these actions were cyberbullying.

See the entire poll and survey here.

Here's what you need to know. The technology consistently evolves; but the behaviors remain the same. There are definitive behaviors that are, in fact, defined as cyberbullying by schools, attorneys and law enforcement all over the country. Get to know what they are, so that as parents, you're not in the dark when something happens to your child and as school officials, you have a clear understanding when an incident arises in school!

Get all of the tactics in one book--Cyberslammed--and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying.  Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book
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How to delete Snapchat from digital devices and have ‘the Conversation’

7/30/2015

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In Maine news this week after a 14-year-old Rockport boy threatened a 13-year-old girl through social media, there’s been a predictable amount of virulent conversations on social media concerning the teens, their parents, the school, and technology in general.

First, let’s start with the correct definition of what happened. A 14-year-old male allegedly threatened a 13-year-old girl with rape if she did not send nude photographs of herself. He also allegedly alluded that he was watching her, which is typically a hush tactic; i.e., "you tell on me and I'll make it worse for you."

This is more than just a threat on social media. It’s technically a form of what’s known as sexting extortion, or ‘sextortion.’

“Sexting” refers to taking nude photos of oneself and sharing the photo via cellphone. And why do teens do that? Because today, it is considered a form of relationship currency. Click here to read more of the legal dangers of underage consensual sexting.

But this was not consensual. This was extortion, and you’d better believe the police will get involved when something like this happens.

I’m not going to get into the whys with this column — I don’t know the parents or the kids, so I’m not qualified to speak on why it happened.

But, I am going to talk about how this was — and still is — preventable.

Since 2002, through Governor King’s 1:1 laptop initiative, every middle school and high school student in Maine was granted access to first a laptop, and later an iPad, to help them advance their 21st-Century skills.

But the gift came with virtually little to zero training on ethical digital behaviors and cyberbullying. I know, because throughout the 2000s, I was doing public presentations on cyberbullying for schools.

In 2012, when our cyberbullying book came out, a law passed in Maine mandating every single middle and high school enact a cyberbullying policy with training for the kids and for the staff.

I went around to schools and conferences on top of my full time job, for more than a year and gave free presentations to schools about sexting and other forms of cyberbullying. It opened the eyes of administrators and staff from dozens of Maine schools; but in 2013, still doing these presentations, I can honestly say, maybe three to four of the schools I visited got serious about the policy.

No school I knew of had, at that point, implemented any serious cyberbullying training or curriculum. (Not just some half-day assembly that students would forget in a few weeks.)

This, is of course, a field observation. Things might have changed now. I know MLTI offers Common Sense Media’s free Digital Literacy and Citizenship curriculum to schools, but it’s such light lunch. It does not get into the roots of serious cyberbullying (with all of its various moving parts).

I know teachers and administrators have earnestly tried to get a handle on this, but they’re not getting supported at the top.

So, it’s up to the parents. That’s what I’ve concluded after three years of working to try and turn Maine’s cyberbullying problem around. There has been woefully little done to even address it, much less turn it around. Three years after this law passed, Maine still ranks dead last in New England for controlling cyberbullying according to the latest study. Massachusetts ranks first nationally.

So, what can you do? First, it doesn’t matter what the app was used in this sexting extortion. (For the record, it was Snapchat).

If you kill the app off your kid’s phone, another toxic one will spring up in six months. Guaranteed. What you have to do is have ‘The Conversation’ when it comes to your kids’ use of digital devices.

The Conversation is a three-pronged approach, based on the strategies of self-defense:

  1. Discuss what you consider acceptable and unacceptable uses of your child’s digital device. Here's how one Massachusetts mom got her son to sign an 18-point agreement on the condition of receiving his new iPhone. Use her strategy. Likely you already own the devices and that's your leverage.
  2. Get familiar with the most frequent apps and social media platforms your teen is drawn to. Don't know what these tactics are? Stay on top of it with our Hot Topics blog on the most common types of cyberbullying.
  3. Next, have a talk about conflict. Conflict is the root of most cyberbullying situations and it is inevitable your child will be involved in conflict at some point with a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a teacher or even a stranger. Whether your child is the target, the instigator or caught in the cross-fire, "pre-playing" the potential outcomes to the conflict is key.
Lastly, here’s my professional opinion on the app Snapchat used in this particular situation.

Snapchat is a free app for iPhones, iPads and Android phones, allowing you to send a photo that will supposedly disappear in 10 seconds.

It was originally designed so the recipient couldn’t save the photo, but there have been workarounds for years to thwart that without Snapchat notifying the sender.

For minors, (and even impressionable young adults above 18) it is a sure fire way to get in legal trouble with even just one mistake. It guarantees many years of emotional pain and self-loathing when that “mistake,” a nude selfie, gets into the hands of a malicious person who shares or publicizes it.

If you have had The Conversation and you trust your teen 100 percent that he or she will never make that mistake, it’s your call to let him or her keep Snapchat and/or other apps like it on their digital devices. But if you even have a single doubt, get rid of it off your minor’s phone, iPad or digital device.

That’s my blunt advice.

Ignore the cries, “But everybody has it. I’ll be unpopular.”

Refer them to the 18-point agreement.

Here’s how to delete the app off each device:

  1. Go to https://support.snapchat.com/delete-account in any web browser.
  2. Enter your Snapchat username and password.(See 18-point agreement once again for this password)
  3. Check the box confirming you aren't a robot.
  4. Click on Submit.
  5. Re-enter your password on the next page.
  6. Click on Delete My Account.
Kay Stephens is a writer for Penobscot Bay Pilot, as well as an award-winning author of fiction and nonfiction. Her book, Cyberslammed, was used by the Maine Department of Education, in part, to draw up a sample cyberbullying policy for schools in Maine. More help for parents and schools, including the latest threats, cyberbullying apps and tactics can be found at cyberslammed.com

Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Summer Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book
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Summer Sale! Cyberbullying doesn't stop when school lets out

6/17/2015

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With more screen time in the summer, conflicts that started in school, have more of a chance to fester in unsupervised settings. Get these books loaded onto your Kindle and arm yourself with some practical resources on what to do if your teen faces or is embroiled in cyberbullying this summer!

Check out our summer sale! From $0.99 to $4.50
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Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Summer Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book
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Fifteen years later and adults still don't "get" cyberbullying

5/14/2015

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Stop calling every bad behavior "cyberbullying"

It's been nearly 15 years since the murky origins of cyberbullying emerged in tandem with social media platforms and yet every week, I see in the news that some adult or business owner is crying "cyberbullying" over an online conflict that very clearly is not the definition of cyberbullying.

Take this business owner in Portland, Ore who didn't like a bad review her tenant gave her online. She equates it to cyberbullying. Click to read full story.

First off, the true definition of cyberbullying only applies to kids who use electronic devices as a campaign to bully someone. When an adult is involved, it may meet the definition of cyber-harassment or defamation. Or is this case, it was just a negative review that the owner didn't like. 

Business owners, celebrities, politicians and the media--here's what you do every time you cry wolf using the misappropriated term of cyberbullying. You dilute its very definition. You create "cyberbullying fatigue" and water down the meaning of the word so much so that kids who are truly being cyberbullied are not getting the proper attention they need because everyone is so sick of the term.

Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Summer Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book
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BurnBook and new apps designed to cyberbully

4/1/2015

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I didn't think I could be dumbfounded at this stage in all the years I've been working on cyberbullying prevention. But yup, call me floored, because app developers are now creating anonymous apps designed specifically for cyberbullying.

Founder Jonathan Lucas of Blushhh LLC actually calls his anonymous posting app Burnbook, styled after the Mean Girls tactic of writing gossip and anonymous nasty comments about classmates in a physical book that can be passed around.

An article in Oregon Live reveals Lucas to be a 23-year-old developer who tried to put preventative measures in place after the app was released.

It's a free app, so kids can download it to their phones, search for school "communities" within 10 miles, and share text, photos, and audio with other community members. The terms of service stipulate the user needs to be 18 but it's unenforceable and kids routinely ignore this.

The app now has been downloaded 400,000 times.

Already, predictably across the country, schools are finding out just how sinister this app is in the hands of students who are (surprise, surprise) out to humiliate and degrade the reputations of others. In San Diego and Oregon, it's been used to send threats. In Torrance California, another school experienced threats and cyberbullying and demanded that Lucas remove their school from his app (thereby cutting off students' access). In an article by The Daily Breeze he refused their request, citing his first amendment rights and was quoted:
“The app isn’t the problem It’s the people who abuse it. The truth is the app isn’t posting anything.”

In San Diego, a petition has actually been started on Change.org to give schools an opt-out option on the app and is just shy of its 500 needed signatures. another Change.org petition, which has nearly 1,242 signatures demands to eliminate the app altogether.

So parents, it's time to get proactive about this one. Check your kid's phone for this app and make it off limits. Then, let your kids' school know about this app and petition to have your school removed from its Geo Locator.


Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Summer Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book
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Study: Parents' biggest fear? Cyberbullying

1/15/2015

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A recent Canadian poll shows that parents’ biggest fear for their children these days is cyberbullying!

Results showed parents were concerned most with cyberbullying at 48 percent, ahead of teen pregnancy (44 percent), drug use (40 percent) or alcohol use (38 percent).

Allay your fears by learning quickly how to deal with the most common tactics BEFORE it happens.

Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book
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Girls use Instagram to set up Hater's Clubs on classmates

1/13/2015

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As we say, the technology will always change, but the tactics remain the same. Three students at Meadowdale Middle School in Washington were recently caught using Instagram as a way to start a Hater's Club about multiple classmates, very similar to a Burn Book. According to Q13fox.com: “I was heartbroken for the children who were being bullied,” says one mother.

“They were taking requests — who should we tear apart next?” says another mom. “It was everything from size to sex to clothes to shoes, anything that can be used to degrade a person.”

From our award-winning book, Cyberslammed, the definition of a Hater's Club is
when a mob attacks one person by setting up a websites or Facebook page to harass or persecute the target

The three are now facing disciplinary action because of their online posts.

Parents and educators are usually the last to know in situations like this. This is why it is imperative for every school to be up on the latest, tactics, techniques and platforms used to cyberbully. We spent years identifying these tactics. If you're part of a school in the U.S. who wants more help, contact me personally at info@cyberslammed.com or consider buying Cyberslammed for your guidance counselors.

Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying.  Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book

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Rating Site tactic targets girls' physical attractiveness

11/24/2014

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Indiana school officials just learned what a cyberbullying Rating Site is this week. For the uninitiated, a Rating Site is when someone uploads a photo of the target and gets bystanders to vote on the victim's physical attractiveness.
Obviously this can go very badly, very quickly.

The authorities call it "Bracket Style Ranking System" and it can be very damaging to a girl's sense of worth to be so callously objectified and abused.

According to Fox.59.com, Zionsville senior Grace Labuzan said,
“A lot of girls were offended by this. I don`t know how they find it a joke. I`ve been bullied before, I want to speak out for those that are too afraid or too quiet to speak out against it because it is wrong."

Parents and educators, this is just the latest cyberbullying tactic that is essentially war on women and girls. Learn how to identify it, then learn how to fight it.


Know what to do when a group of people use Instagram, Facebook or  Internet polls to upload someone's photo and get bystanders to vote for their "ugliest," "fattest," "dumbest" peers? Our new Parent's Guide To A Rating Website is available on Kindle for $.99
. Buy here



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High school revenge sexting rings: why girls need to STOP taking nude selfies

11/12/2014

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Yet, it is astounding how many people argue that there is nothing wrong with sexting, that it is a natural way to express oneself in a relationship.

Sure. Until it ends up in the wrong hands.

Two cases this month show how much revenge sexting is being used as a blackmailing tool, and in another case, as literal currency to be bought and sold.

This month a group of Chicago boys from a Catholic high school are all under investigation for cyberbullying a female student through the tactic of revenge sexting. Because they are all underaged, the boys are referred for one count each of distribution of child pornography.

And in New Hampshire, another pack of football buddies are under investigation for reportedly selling naked pictures of female students at school. While the school is trying to downplay this as some sort of "social media incident" (as if it was technology gone haywire) it's pretty clear from the article that 13 members of the freshman and sophomore football teams had gotten ahold of sexting photos from girls in their school and were making a profit off of someone else's humiliation.

This isn't just "boys will be boys." Can't say this enough. Do your sons know that saving, sending and selling under-aged sexting photos can land them in court, in jail and even on sex offender registry lists?
Do they understand the ethical ramifications of completely ruining someone's online reputation? Jennifer Lawrence's sexting photos will eternally be available on the Internet. She knows this will be part of her legacy forever.

Do your daughters understand that they are also putting themselves in legal danger by sending  sexualized "selfies" to a significant other? And that in this digital age of use and misuse, they inevitably will be shared to others, or posted online?

"No, he would never do that to me."

Well guess what? His football buddy, who  stole his phone while he was in the bathroom, and forwarded it to himself-- just did.

Find out what to do step by step in a sexting or revenge sexting situation (when to alert the police-or not!) in our comprehensive
book Cyberslammed.
$12.50 Summer Sale. Buy The Book.



Jennifer Lawrence recently "quit the Internet" largely over the nude sexting photos she sent her boyfriend in private, which ended up hacked and stolen from the Cloud.

Girls under 18 do this every day, despite a decade of evidence to show them there is NO safeguard and NO guarantee that a nude sexting photo will ever stay private.
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Stay away from The Snappening: Child porn in Snapchat leaks

10/14/2014

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In this Digital Age, you're naive if you never thought this could happen.

There is no privacy on the Internet, despite what teens may think. Last month, a trend started with iCloud leaked nude photos of celebrities called "The Fappening" (a combination of the M. Night Shyamalan film titled ‘The Happening’ with the word fapping – Internet slang for masturbation.)  And just this week, the same 4Chan hackers are thought to be behind the release of nearly 200,000 images and videos from the photo messaging app Snapchat, a messaging service that claims that the photos sent on it “disappear” 10 seconds after the person receiving the picture opens it.

We have warned parents and educators about Snapchat for several years now. Snapchat provides a false sense of protection for teens that their photos will disappear, but almost immediately after the app's release, teens found a workaround to save the disappearing photos through several hacks, including another app, called SnapSave, which can save all the pictures and videos sent from Snapchat to the phone’s camera roll.

Last Friday, according to the news source RT.com, it was this third-party app, SnapSave and its servers that were hacked and pornographic content was definitely among the leaked material, some of it underaged.

Not great news for teens who thought they had a foolproof workaround to engage in Sexting.

The hackers also claimed that the images had been indexed  by username, which you can see in the photo above.

Already, in Internet forums, many people are scrambling to try and find out who these usernames belong to and to view the nude photos.

HOWEVER, depending on national law and age of consent, anyone who  downloads underage nude content in The Snappening could be charged for violating child pornography laws.

So here are the essential talking points for your kids over this issue:

1. Do NOT Sext. Ever. Ever. Ever. It will come back to haunt you. Tell them to read Jennifer Lawrence's thoughts on this violation, after having her Sexting photos hacked. Sexting photos will always be currency to the public. And this hacked and leaked photo trend is not going away.

2. If your teen suspects he or she might have Sexting photos hacked from the The Snappening, do not try to access any photos and download them. As crazy as it sounds, the laws prohibit downloading underaged nude photos...even if your teen was the one who took the photo!

3. On that common sense note, if you have a discussion with your teen over this issue, be upfront and hard line about it. Tell him or her not to even go looking for underage nude photos out of curiosity. EVER. The FBI is currently investigating the fall out from The Snappening and can even detect  computers that are accessing child porn in real time.

Even looking at or possessing these photos or videos on your computer or cell phone is a very serious crime that can carry a minimum of five years in prison in the case of a Federal Child Pornography case.


Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book



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Streetchat: the latest anonymous messaging app to cyberbully

9/3/2014

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Streetchat (go to link) is a new anonymous messaging app from Apple that sprang up over the summer as the latest tool kids can use to cyberbully. The free app on iTunes for iPhones, iPads and iPods, is proudly described this way: "Streetchat is an anonymous bulletin board to post photos to the people in your school. It is a fast reliable way to share your thoughts, gossip and talk about things around you."

After all the vicious cyberbullying that has come out of past anonymous phone apps (some of which have contributed to teen suicide), you gotta love that adult developers are still encouraging teens to
engage in malicious gossip, don't you?

If there is anything anonymous message app developers have learned from Secret, Whisper, and Ask.fm, it's that this tool can--and always will be--abused.

It's not even the first day of school yet and already, stories are coming out that this app is being misused to cyberbully in schools as well as make anonymous real-life threats.


One of the ways Streetchat can cyberbully is to set up an anonymous platform to launch a Rating Site tactic, i.e.
to negatively rate, denounce or judge someone.

Media reports often give the impression that kids flock to these kind of apps, but as this one teen reviewer of the app exemplifies, teens, themselves may be sick of developers monetizing their relationship conflicts.


* This app is sickening...      
by Audrey Chaffin

This is so terrible...what kind of people are you to make an app for kids to make fun of other kids in their school?! Maybe that wasn't the original intention, but it is certainly happening. It's so sad to see things that encourage bullying. I know in your rules it says that bullying is not allowed, but that's clearly not monitored very well. I saw plenty of kids making fun of specific kids in the school...one post asking commenters to list the fattest girl in school. I can only imagine how upset I would be if I was one of the kids being made fun of for everyone to see... This could seriously lead to kids committing suicide or cutting themselves over what people say about them and it probably will. There is no need for an easy way to view what everyone at your school thinks about you. This is going to hurt so many poor kids' feelings and get everyone mad at each other. For the sake of teens feeling happy with whom they are, please remove this app.

To be prepared this school year how cyberbullying apps work along with other cyberbullying tactics, buy Cyberslammed $12.50 for your school or home.



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To prevent cyberbullying, you've got to think like a martial artist

4/7/2014

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The number one question parents continue to ask around digital safety is: "What do I do if my child becomes a target of cyberbullying?" Unfortunately, so much of the cyberbullying advice you find online only scratches the surface, such as: "Save all the evidence. Tell an adult." This is about as helpful as a skydiving instructor shouting out instructions on how to pull the ripcord after you've already jumped.

To protect your kids against cyberbullying, you must take a proactive approach. Cyberbullying is like war with methods of attack and strategies of self-defense. Do not wait until the moment your child experiences online defamation and harassment to formulate a plan.  In our award-winning cyberbullying guide for adults, Cyberslammed, we employ the strategic advice of a martial artist, who also happens to be a bullying counselor.

First, start with the basic strategies of self-defense.

How many digital devices does your child use? If you haven't already had a conversation with your child on what is considered acceptable and unacceptable behavior surrounding the use of these devices, start now. Likely you already own the devices and that's your leverage. Here's how one Massachusetts mom got her son to sign an 18-point agreement on the condition of receiving his new iPhone. Use her strategy to discuss cell phone and computer use with your child.

Next, get familiar with the most frequent apps and social media platforms your teen is drawn to. Learn how cyberbullying really works on these particular platforms. For example, Twitter is great for teen connection, but it is also being used as a "slut-shaming" tool and a virtual slam book. Don't know what these tactics are? Stay on top of it with our Hot Topics blog on the most common types of cyberbullying.

Next, have a talk about conflict. Conflict is the root of most cyberbullying situations and it is inevitable your child will be involved in conflict at some point with a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a teacher or even a stranger. Whether your child is the target, the instigator or caught in the cross-fire, "pre-playing" the potential outcomes to the conflict is key. My mother used to call this the "What would you do?" game. What would you do if a rival called you a "slut" on Facebook? What would you do if your XBox gaming buddy tried to get other multi-players to gang up on you online? The key to heading off cyberbullying is building a plan of action...not reaction ahead of time.

Do you see now why "telling an adult and saving evidence" is practically useless advice if the adult in the situation still has no idea what to do? We encourage adults to approach a cyberbullying incident exactly the same way we instruct kids:

Cool Off: Take time to cool off and talk it through before making an emotional snap judgment about the cyberbully’s actions. The emotional mind works much faster than the rational mind and skips important steps when you are angry and upset. Don’t react when you are in “flight or fight mode” out of defensiveness and anger and wait until your rational mind has had a chance to catch up.

Gather Perspective: To get to the bottom of the issue, gather additional perspective from as many other students and adults who were directly involved. When dealing with the cyberbully's parents, acknowledge that you are presenting your kid’s “truth” and don’t make assumptions until you’ve heard the other “truths” to the story as well. Remember: what may at first appear to be clear-cut may, in fact, only be a snapshot in an ongoing, more complicated conflict.

Make A Plan: Depending on the severity of the cyberbullying incident, find your allies, from school authorities to website/service providers to counselors to the child's own peers. In severe situations, you may also need to get the police or even an attorney, involved. This option needs to be carefully considered when there is serious harassment/threats, criminal behavior, extortion, obscene or harassing phone calls/texts, stalking, hate crimes, child pornography, sexual exploitation, or when the target’s photograph has been taken in a place where he or she would expect privacy and is now being misused.

As you work with others to resolve the cyberbullying situation, make sure your child never tries to "fight fire with fire" by responding to the online attack with a counter attack, for this will only worsen the situation and muddy the waters in determining who is culpable for cyberbullying.

Finally, experts in our book say the way to build your child's resiliency throughout an attack is be a support for him or her daily. Inviting peer support during this time is also crucial to getting through a traumatic incident.

Every cyberbullying situation is different, but this advice goes beyond the surface in helping you and your child be proactive. To learn more, including how to join our free monthly webinars, visit: www.cyberslammed.com


Kay Stephens is the co-author of the award-winning cyberbullying book Cyberslammed, sponsored by Time Warner Cable. Her latest tween cyberbullying e-book Ethel Is Hot LOL (Amazon $4.95) features Ethel, a smart-but-oddball 12-year-old who wants to be a NASA psychologist. Ethel finds herself blindsided by two girls looking for YouTube fame until she figures out a way to turn the media tables and get her reputation back.
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Imposter Website victim puts the past behind her

3/26/2014

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It's always a relief to hear a cyberbullying story with a positive outcome. In this Washington teen's case, she found the resilience to move on...something that doesn't always happen for teens.

According to the Issaquah Press, in 2011, "then 12-year-old Leslie Cote was the victim of cyberbullying, as two classmates hacked into her social media page and posted altered photos, including one with 'I’m a slut' superimposed on it."

For parents and educators wondering what this tactic is: it's called an Imposter Profile, when the cyberbully sets up a fake website or profile (or hacks into a real one as in this case) and gets the profile's followers to believe it is genuinely owned by the target. This kind of tactic has a lot of power and the cyberbully can do immense reputation damage in a very short time. Another subtactic the cyberbullies used was "slut-shaming"--to try and publicly make Leslie feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviors (even when she didn't engage in them!)

The article further states the cyberbullies altered their attacks by using "the site’s instant messaging service to act as Leslie to proposition boys for sexual acts." Again, this is still using the Imposter Profile tactic, only now the cyberbullies were actively communicating through IM as though they were Leslie with the sole purpose to embarrass and defame her reputation. Subsequently, the girls were charged with cyberstalking and first-degree computer trespassing.

The summer after this incident, Leslie wouldn't even go outside all summer as one of her cyberbullies lived in the same building as her.

Now Leslie is in high school with some of the girls who cyberbullied her and even has to sit next to one of them in one class. But, luckily, the support of her family and her own strength and resilience has helped her gain perspective.

As the article quotes her mother Tara:  "Leslie said she’s not angry with the girls anymore, but it has taken her some time to get to that point. At first, you have anger, you’re upset and you have rage, but now I think she feels more sorry for them."

For anyone who has ever been cyberbullied, it's gratifying to know there are kids like Leslie out there who refuse to let the traumatic incident forever define them. Good for you, Leslie. Stay strong and thank you for helping other kids after what you've been through.

To read the full article: http://www.issaquahpress.com/2014/03/25/cyberbullying-victim-puts-past-behind-her/



Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book
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New cyberbullying novel for tween girls available on Amazon Kindle

3/14/2014

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She stared at the website they made about her.
As she switched it off, her body began to tremble.

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WAH-LAH!  (Yes, we know that is not correct French.) Here is the latest cyberbullying novel from Kay Stephens, award-winning co-author of the cyberbullying guide for adults, Cyberslammed™

Ethel Is Hot LOL features twelve-year-old Ethel F. Effleby, who goes to the Seaside School for Girls, a science and leadership middle school in Maine. After moving in with her Gram, Ethel is just fine with her oddball self until a group of girls create a website called Ethel Is Hot LOL!! making fun of her and her family secrets. When the cyberbullying gets so bad that she has to face her enemy, Stephönë on national TV, Ethel confronts her greatest fear yet. To clear her name will she have to expose her humiliation to the world?

Buy $.99

Email us if you'd like to review the new novel and receive it for free! Info@cyberslammed.com
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When schools' cyberbullying policies are completely inadequate

2/5/2014

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The frustration of anonymous cyberbullying hits just about every school principal in every state. It's been going on for more than a decade, yet schools are still trying to wrap their heads around how to stop it. According to an article in www.publicopiniononline.com this school principal had had it up to here about some Twitter cyberbullying perpetrated by anonymous students. It's not entirely clear from the article, but the tactic sounds very similar to a Twitter Burn Book, in which the perpetrators posted negative comments about other students and faculty and encouraged bystanders to pile on.

I can certainly understand the frustration of this principal. There's a tendency to want to put a zero-tolerance policy in place in the face of out-of-control cyberbullying. But then, I noticed the "Acceptable Use" policy in the article. This is essentially the "guidelines" of many schools around a student's use of technology at school. However, it is completely inadequate in terms of defining for parents and students EXACTLY what constitutes cyberbullying behaviors.

Example of their "Acceptable Use" policy of prohibited behaviors:
  • Use inappropriate language.
  • Engage in personal attacks and harrassment of others.

Read: CASD Student Acceptable Use and Social Media Form

The problem is, most schools' Acceptable Use policies are a decade out of touch,  entirely too vague and open to interpretation. "Engage in personal attacks?" So, according to this guideline, if a kid calls another kid a "jerk" on his Facebook page, is that the definition of cyberbullying?

No. No. No.

It is an unkind word,  but does not fit the true definition of cyberbullying. But, how would administrators know that if they don't actually know what constitutes cyberbullying? It's like relying on non-attorneys to interpret a legal document. If you don't actually know what cyberbullying behaviors are, then you're likely to misinterpret them.

A better policy defines it like this:

Examples of conduct that may constitute cyberbullying include, but are not limited to:

  1. Posting slurs or rumors or displaying any defamatory, inaccurate, disparaging, violent, abusive, profane, or sexually oriented material about a student on a website or other online application;
  2. Posting misleading or fake photographs or digital video footage of a student on websites or creating fake websites or social networking profiles in the guise of posing as the target;
  3. Impersonating or representing another student through use of that other student’s electronic device or account to send e-mail, text messages, instant messages (IM), or phone calls;
  4. Sending e-mail, text messages, IM, or leaving voice mail messages that are mean or threatening, or so numerous as to bombard the target’s e-mail account, IM account, or cell phone; and
  5. Using a camera phone or digital video camera to take and/or send embarrassing or “sexting” photographs of other students.

How are students supposed to intrinsically know what not to do if the administration has not provided any specific training around acceptable and unacceptable behaviors? You can't punish students without first defining what specific behaviors lead to specific consequences.

The better approach is to draft a specific cyberbullying policy and then institute compassionate training for both students and teachers. Education is the only way to stop this. All experts repeatedly say this. But a school has to be willing to put in the extra time and effort to invest in social-emotional training.

Maine, our home state, put together a very comprehensive school policy on Internet use and cyberbullying, using parts of our cyberbullying book, Cyberslammed. 
If you really want to get the cart in front of the horse,

  • Update your school policies now. Click to see a good example
  • Implement some long-range cyberbullying training for staff and students (not just some fly-by- night assembly that students will forget in six weeks.)
  • Use resources like Cyberslammed and other cyberbullying prevention curricula like Common Sense Media to effectively guide the trainings.

Cyberslammed was used in part to construct Maine's official cyberbullying policy for all schools. Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying.  Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book
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The Allure And Danger of Posting Selfies Online

2/3/2014

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The Allure and Danger of Posting Selfies Online is the second video in our webinar series to help give you a better understanding of Internet Safety and Cyberbullying.  Kay Stephens, co-author of Cyberslammed, tells us some things to consider before posting a selfie, ways that they are being used to cyberbully and how you can help protect your teen.

Click here to watch the 5 min webinar.  

Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Summer Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book

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Think Before You Click: Keeping Kids and Teens Safe Online

2/3/2014

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Welcome to our new short webinar series on what to watch for in Internet Safety and Cyberbullying

You can't stop cyberbulling if you can't define it. Our new digital savvy online class series will get you up to speed quickly on the tactics, techie apps and behaviors that lead to negative online interactions so you can be prepared to help a teen in your life prevent getting cyberbullied. This overview is the first in our six-part series.

Click here to watch the short 8 min webinar.

Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book


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