Fitting that on Valentine's Day, an Idaho newspaper Post Register reporting on a Times-News story revealed a new app teens are downloading to their phones called 'After School.'

As we always say: same tactics: different technology. After School is an anonymous Rating Site, which allows users to make lewd sexual comparisons about their classmates with zero consequences. According to the story, the "...widespread use of the After School app has left a vicious mark of bullying in its wake — along with a lot of sex talk that includes the names of students and educators."

Posts on After School message boards tied to other south-central Idaho schools have included nude photos of students, derogatory comments about appearance, name calling and comments about students’ body parts."

If you are a parent, you should already be having a conversation about what apps are unacceptable to download with your teen, especially if you own their phone. Click here on expert advice on how to have The Conversation as well as smart tools to prevent cyberbullying on your teen's phone.

Schools and parents need to know if they try to download the app, they will find it requires student verification in the form of a student identification card or driver’s license. The app logs in the student through his or her Facebook account, which makes deleting it more difficult.

If you need to know how a Rating Site occurs (one of our six most common cyberbullying tactics, buy our Parent's Guide To A Rating Site on Kindle or purchase a softcover copy of Cyberslammed, our award-winning cyberbullying book.

As a thank you to our Maine community, for Internet Safety Day, we are offering ALL of our ebooks for FREE today Feb 10 and tomorrow Feb 11. That’s our award-winning Cyberslammed™ cyberbullying manual for adults, two Parent’s Guides and our companion middle grade novel for tween girls, Ethel Is HOT LOL. Download to your Kindle for an exceptional value!
Click for free download

You'd think after all this time, app and feature designers would consider how the latest tool they're promoting could be used to cyberbully, wouldn't you?
That's what Twitter is now realizing after rolling out a new feature that allows users to post poll questions.

Of course teenagers will use it to negatively rate each other. A Utah high school just figured that out when they discovered tweets with the poll feature asking people to rate the body parts of specific students, vote on an individual student's perceived level of sexual activity, or comment on the status of their relationships with other students. Read the whole story here.

For those who aren't familiar with this tactic, it's called a Rating Site, one of the six tactics listed in our cyberbullying prevention book, Cyberslammed. It's a common tactic to negatively rate, denounce or judge someone publicly. 

Said one of the teens in the story: "This isn't just kids being kids," Campbell said. "This is kids being mean. You can see kids getting revenge on other kids through the polls.
"It's definitely kids you go to school with," she added, "because it's rumors and it's everyone's deepest darkest secrets."


Know what to do when a group of people use Instagram, Facebook or  Internet polls to upload someone's photo and get bystanders to vote for their "ugliest," "fattest," "dumbest" peers? Our  Parent's Guide To A Rating Website is available on Kindle for $2.99. Buy here.

Or get up to speed on five other cyberbullying tactics along with this tactic in our award-winning book Cyberslammed.

It took the Federal Investigation Agency (FIA) nearly 1 1/2 months to track down and arrest a 21-year-old Pakistani college student after cyber harassing a former schoolmate through an Imposter Profile he created in her likeness.

When media is not familiar with this cyberbullying tactic, they typically call it a "fake website" or "fake Facebook account." What happened was, the young man had been friends with the victim, but when he perceived her to brush him off and show interest in another boy, he decided to "punish" her by creating an Imposter Profile. This is when the cyberbully sets up a website or profile and gets the profile's followers to believe it is genuinely owned by the target. This kind of tactic has a lot of power and the cyberbully can do immense reputation damage in a very short time.

Read the entire story here.

If someone you know is an unwitting victim of this type of cyberbullying tactic, get information fast on how to work through and resolve it with the police.  $12.50 Buy The Book

At the start of the school year, a Detroit Free Press article, "Cyberbullying or not? Parents have inconsistent views" underscores why 15 years into the cyberbullying era, adults still have trouble discerning what is "mean behavior" and what actually constitutes cyberbullying.

According to the article: "Despite rising concerns about cyberbullying among kids, the results of a national poll by University of Michigan researchers show parents are largely uncertain about what should be labeled cyberbullying and how — or whether — teens should be punished for it."

The poll followed a survey released last month giving parents four hypothetical scenarios to ascertain whether or not the scenarios were truly cyberbullying incidents. Between 30% and 50% of parents were unsure if these actions were cyberbullying.

See the entire poll and survey here.

Here's what you need to know. The technology consistently evolves; but the behaviors remain the same. There are definitive behaviors that are, in fact, defined as cyberbullying by schools, attorneys and law enforcement all over the country. Get to know what they are, so that as parents, you're not in the dark when something happens to your child and as school officials, you have a clear understanding when an incident arises in school!

Get all of the tactics in one book--Cyberslammed--and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying.  Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book

In Maine news this week after a 14-year-old Rockport boy threatened a 13-year-old girl through social media, there’s been a predictable amount of virulent conversations on social media concerning the teens, their parents, the school, and technology in general.

First, let’s start with the correct definition of what happened. A 14-year-old male allegedly threatened a 13-year-old girl with rape if she did not send nude photographs of herself. He also allegedly alluded that he was watching her, which is typically a hush tactic; i.e., "you tell on me and I'll make it worse for you."

This is more than just a threat on social media. It’s technically a form of what’s known as sexting extortion, or ‘sextortion.’

“Sexting” refers to taking nude photos of oneself and sharing the photo via cellphone. And why do teens do that? Because today, it is considered a form of relationship currency. Click here to read more of the legal dangers of underage consensual sexting.

But this was not consensual. This was extortion, and you’d better believe the police will get involved when something like this happens.

I’m not going to get into the whys with this column — I don’t know the parents or the kids, so I’m not qualified to speak on why it happened.

But, I am going to talk about how this was — and still is — preventable.

Since 2002, through Governor King’s 1:1 laptop initiative, every middle school and high school student in Maine was granted access to first a laptop, and later an iPad, to help them advance their 21st-Century skills.

But the gift came with virtually little to zero training on ethical digital behaviors and cyberbullying. I know, because throughout the 2000s, I was doing public presentations on cyberbullying for schools.

In 2012, when our cyberbullying book came out, a law passed in Maine mandating every single middle and high school enact a cyberbullying policy with training for the kids and for the staff.

I went around to schools and conferences on top of my full time job, for more than a year and gave free presentations to schools about sexting and other forms of cyberbullying. It opened the eyes of administrators and staff from dozens of Maine schools; but in 2013, still doing these presentations, I can honestly say, maybe three to four of the schools I visited got serious about the policy.

No school I knew of had, at that point, implemented any serious cyberbullying training or curriculum. (Not just some half-day assembly that students would forget in a few weeks.)

This, is of course, a field observation. Things might have changed now. I know MLTI offers Common Sense Media’s free Digital Literacy and Citizenship curriculum to schools, but it’s such light lunch. It does not get into the roots of serious cyberbullying (with all of its various moving parts).

I know teachers and administrators have earnestly tried to get a handle on this, but they’re not getting supported at the top.

So, it’s up to the parents. That’s what I’ve concluded after three years of working to try and turn Maine’s cyberbullying problem around. There has been woefully little done to even address it, much less turn it around. Three years after this law passed, Maine still ranks dead last in New England for controlling cyberbullying according to the latest study. Massachusetts ranks first nationally.

So, what can you do? First, it doesn’t matter what the app was used in this sexting extortion. (For the record, it was Snapchat).

If you kill the app off your kid’s phone, another toxic one will spring up in six months. Guaranteed. What you have to do is have ‘The Conversation’ when it comes to your kids’ use of digital devices.

The Conversation is a three-pronged approach, based on the strategies of self-defense:

1. Discuss what you consider acceptable and unacceptable uses of your child’s digital device. Here's how one Massachusetts mom got her son to sign an 18-point agreement on the condition of receiving his new iPhone. Use her strategy. Likely you already own the devices and that's your leverage.
2. Get familiar with the most frequent apps and social media platforms your teen is drawn to. Don't know what these tactics are? Stay on top of it with our Hot Topics blog on the most common types of cyberbullying.
3. Next, have a talk about conflict. Conflict is the root of most cyberbullying situations and it is inevitable your child will be involved in conflict at some point with a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a teacher or even a stranger. Whether your child is the target, the instigator or caught in the cross-fire, "pre-playing" the potential outcomes to the conflict is key.

Lastly, here’s my professional opinion on the app Snapchat used in this particular situation.

Snapchat is a free app for iPhones, iPads and Android phones, allowing you to send a photo that will supposedly disappear in 10 seconds.

It was originally designed so the recipient couldn’t save the photo, but there have been workarounds for years to thwart that without Snapchat notifying the sender.

For minors, (and even impressionable young adults above 18) it is a sure fire way to get in legal trouble with even just one mistake. It guarantees many years of emotional pain and self-loathing when that “mistake,” a nude selfie, gets into the hands of a malicious person who shares or publicizes it.

If you have had The Conversation and you trust your teen 100 percent that he or she will never make that mistake, it’s your call to let him or her keep Snapchat and/or other apps like it on their digital devices. But if you even have a single doubt, get rid of it off your minor’s phone, iPad or digital device.

That’s my blunt advice.

Ignore the cries, “But everybody has it. I’ll be unpopular.”

Refer them to the 18-point agreement.

Here’s how to delete the app off each device:

1. Go to https://support.snapchat.com/delete-account in any web browser.
2. Enter your Snapchat username and password.(See 18-point agreement once again for this password)
3. Check the box confirming you aren't a robot.
4. Click on Submit.
5. Re-enter your password on the next page.
6. Click on Delete My Account.

Kay Stephens is a writer for Penobscot Bay Pilot, as well as an award-winning author of fiction and nonfiction. Her book, Cyberslammed, was used by the Maine Department of Education, in part, to draw up a sample cyberbullying policy for schools in Maine. More help for parents and schools, including the latest threats, cyberbullying apps and tactics can be found at cyberslammed.com

With more screen time in the summer, conflicts that started in school, have more of a chance to fester in unsupervised settings. Get these books loaded onto your Kindle and arm yourself with some practical resources on what to do if your teen faces or is embroiled in cyberbullying this summer!

Check out our summer sale! From $0.99 to $4.50

The number one question parents continue to ask around digital safety is: "What do I do if my child becomes a target of cyberbullying?" Unfortunately, so much of the cyberbullying advice you find online only scratches the surface, such as: "Save all the evidence. Tell an adult." This is about as helpful as a skydiving instructor shouting out instructions on how to pull the ripcord after you've already jumped.

To protect your kids against cyberbullying, you must take a proactive approach. Cyberbullying is like war with methods of attack and strategies of self-defense. Do not wait until the moment your child experiences online defamation and harassment to formulate a plan.  In our award-winning cyberbullying guide for adults, Cyberslammed, we employ the strategic advice of a martial artist, who also happens to be a bullying counselor.

First, start with the basic strategies of self-defense.

How many digital devices does your child use? If you haven't already had a conversation with your child on what is considered acceptable and unacceptable behavior surrounding the use of these devices, start now. Likely you already own the devices and that's your leverage. Here's how one Massachusetts mom got her son to sign an 18-point agreement on the condition of receiving his new iPhone. Use her strategy to discuss cell phone and computer use with your child.

Next, get familiar with the most frequent apps and social media platforms your teen is drawn to. Learn how cyberbullying really works on these particular platforms. For example, Twitter is great for teen connection, but it is also being used as a "slut-shaming" tool and a virtual slam book. Don't know what these tactics are? Stay on top of it with our Hot Topics blog on the most common types of cyberbullying.

Next, have a talk about conflict. Conflict is the root of most cyberbullying situations and it is inevitable your child will be involved in conflict at some point with a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a teacher or even a stranger. Whether your child is the target, the instigator or caught in the cross-fire, "pre-playing" the potential outcomes to the conflict is key. My mother used to call this the "What would you do?" game. What would you do if a rival called you a "slut" on Facebook? What would you do if your XBox gaming buddy tried to get other multi-players to gang up on you online? The key to heading off cyberbullying is building a plan of action...not reaction ahead of time.

Do you see now why "telling an adult and saving evidence" is practically useless advice if the adult in the situation still has no idea what to do? We encourage adults to approach a cyberbullying incident exactly the same way we instruct kids:

Cool Off: Take time to cool off and talk it through before making an emotional snap judgment about the cyberbully’s actions. The emotional mind works much faster than the rational mind and skips important steps when you are angry and upset. Don’t react when you are in “flight or fight mode” out of defensiveness and anger and wait until your rational mind has had a chance to catch up.

Gather Perspective: To get to the bottom of the issue, gather additional perspective from as many other students and adults who were directly involved. When dealing with the cyberbully's parents, acknowledge that you are presenting your kid’s “truth” and don’t make assumptions until you’ve heard the other “truths” to the story as well. Remember: what may at first appear to be clear-cut may, in fact, only be a snapshot in an ongoing, more complicated conflict.

Make A Plan: Depending on the severity of the cyberbullying incident, find your allies, from school authorities to website/service providers to counselors to the child's own peers. In severe situations, you may also need to get the police or even an attorney, involved. This option needs to be carefully considered when there is serious harassment/threats, criminal behavior, extortion, obscene or harassing phone calls/texts, stalking, hate crimes, child pornography, sexual exploitation, or when the target’s photograph has been taken in a place where he or she would expect privacy and is now being misused.

As you work with others to resolve the cyberbullying situation, make sure your child never tries to "fight fire with fire" by responding to the online attack with a counter attack, for this will only worsen the situation and muddy the waters in determining who is culpable for cyberbullying.

Finally, experts in our book say the way to build your child's resiliency throughout an attack is be a support for him or her daily. Inviting peer support during this time is also crucial to getting through a traumatic incident.

Every cyberbullying situation is different, but this advice goes beyond the surface in helping you and your child be proactive. To learn more, including how to join our free monthly webinars, visit: www.cyberslammed.com


Kay Stephens is the co-author of the award-winning cyberbullying book Cyberslammed, sponsored by Time Warner Cable. Her latest tween cyberbullying e-book Ethel Is Hot LOL (Amazon $4.95) features Ethel, a smart-but-oddball 12-year-old who wants to be a NASA psychologist. Ethel finds herself blindsided by two girls looking for YouTube fame until she figures out a way to turn the media tables and get her reputation back.

It's always a relief to hear a cyberbullying story with a positive outcome. In this Washington teen's case, she found the resilience to move on...something that doesn't always happen for teens.

According to the Issaquah Press, in 2011, "then 12-year-old Leslie Cote was the victim of cyberbullying, as two classmates hacked into her social media page and posted altered photos, including one with 'I’m a slut' superimposed on it."

For parents and educators wondering what this tactic is: it's called an Imposter Profile, when the cyberbully sets up a fake website or profile (or hacks into a real one as in this case) and gets the profile's followers to believe it is genuinely owned by the target. This kind of tactic has a lot of power and the cyberbully can do immense reputation damage in a very short time. Another subtactic the cyberbullies used was "slut-shaming"--to try and publicly make Leslie feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviors (even when she didn't engage in them!)

The article further states the cyberbullies altered their attacks by using "the site’s instant messaging service to act as Leslie to proposition boys for sexual acts." Again, this is still using the Imposter Profile tactic, only now the cyberbullies were actively communicating through IM as though they were Leslie with the sole purpose to embarrass and defame her reputation. Subsequently, the girls were charged with cyberstalking and first-degree computer trespassing.

The summer after this incident, Leslie wouldn't even go outside all summer as one of her cyberbullies lived in the same building as her.

Now Leslie is in high school with some of the girls who cyberbullied her and even has to sit next to one of them in one class. But, luckily, the support of her family and her own strength and resilience has helped her gain perspective.

As the article quotes her mother Tara:  "Leslie said she’s not angry with the girls anymore, but it has taken her some time to get to that point. At first, you have anger, you’re upset and you have rage, but now I think she feels more sorry for them."

For anyone who has ever been cyberbullied, it's gratifying to know there are kids like Leslie out there who refuse to let the traumatic incident forever define them. Good for you, Leslie. Stay strong and thank you for helping other kids after what you've been through.

To read the full article: http://www.issaquahpress.com/2014/03/25/cyberbullying-victim-puts-past-behind-her/


Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book

WAH-LAH!  (Yes, we know that is not correct French.) Here is the latest cyberbullying novel from Kay Stephens, award-winning co-author of the cyberbullying guide for adults, Cyberslammed™

Ethel Is Hot LOL features twelve-year-old Ethel F. Effleby, who goes to the Seaside School for Girls, a science and leadership middle school in Maine. After moving in with her Gram, Ethel is just fine with her oddball self until a group of girls create a website called Ethel Is Hot LOL!! making fun of her and her family secrets. When the cyberbullying gets so bad that she has to face her enemy, Stephönë on national TV, Ethel confronts her greatest fear yet. To clear her name will she have to expose her humiliation to the world?

Email us if you'd like to review the new novel and receive it for free! Info@cyberslammed.com

The frustration of anonymous cyberbullying hits just about every school principal in every state. It's been going on for more than a decade, yet schools are still trying to wrap their heads around how to stop it. According to an article in www.publicopiniononline.com this school principal had had it up to here about some Twitter cyberbullying perpetrated by anonymous students. It's not entirely clear from the article, but the tactic sounds very similar to a Twitter Burn Book, in which the perpetrators posted negative comments about other students and faculty and encouraged bystanders to pile on.

I can certainly understand the frustration of this principal. There's a tendency to want to put a zero-tolerance policy in place in the face of out-of-control cyberbullying. But then, I noticed the "Acceptable Use" policy in the article. This is essentially the "guidelines" of many schools around a student's use of technology at school. However, it is completely inadequate in terms of defining for parents and students EXACTLY what constitutes cyberbullying behaviors.

Example of their "Acceptable Use" policy of prohibited behaviors:

• Use inappropriate language.
• Engage in personal attacks and harrassment of others.

Read: CASD Student Acceptable Use and Social Media Form

The problem is, most schools' Acceptable Use policies are a decade out of touch,  entirely too vague and open to interpretation. "Engage in personal attacks?" So, according to this guideline, if a kid calls another kid a "jerk" on his Facebook page, is that the definition of cyberbullying?

No. No. No.

It is an unkind word,  but does not fit the true definition of cyberbullying. But, how would administrators know that if they don't actually know what constitutes cyberbullying? It's like relying on non-attorneys to interpret a legal document. If you don't actually know what cyberbullying behaviors are, then you're likely to misinterpret them.

A better policy defines it like this:

Examples of conduct that may constitute cyberbullying include, but are not limited to:

1. Posting slurs or rumors or displaying any defamatory, inaccurate, disparaging, violent, abusive, profane, or sexually oriented material about a student on a website or other online application;
2. Posting misleading or fake photographs or digital video footage of a student on websites or creating fake websites or social networking profiles in the guise of posing as the target;
3. Impersonating or representing another student through use of that other student’s electronic device or account to send e-mail, text messages, instant messages (IM), or phone calls;
4. Sending e-mail, text messages, IM, or leaving voice mail messages that are mean or threatening, or so numerous as to bombard the target’s e-mail account, IM account, or cell phone; and
5. Using a camera phone or digital video camera to take and/or send embarrassing or “sexting” photographs of other students.

How are students supposed to intrinsically know what not to do if the administration has not provided any specific training around acceptable and unacceptable behaviors? You can't punish students without first defining what specific behaviors lead to specific consequences.

The better approach is to draft a specific cyberbullying policy and then institute compassionate training for both students and teachers. Education is the only way to stop this. All experts repeatedly say this. But a school has to be willing to put in the extra time and effort to invest in social-emotional training.

Maine, our home state, put together a very comprehensive school policy on Internet use and cyberbullying, using parts of our cyberbullying book, Cyberslammed.  If you really want to get the cart in front of the horse,

• Update your school policies now. Click to see a good example
  
• Implement some long-range cyberbullying training for staff and students (not just some fly-by- night assembly that students will forget in six weeks.)
• Use resources like Cyberslammed and other cyberbullying prevention curricula like Common Sense Media to effectively guide the trainings.

Cyberslammed was used in part to construct Maine's official cyberbullying policy for all schools. Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying.  Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book

The Allure and Danger of Posting Selfies Online is the second video in our webinar series to help give you a better understanding of Internet Safety and Cyberbullying.  Kay Stephens, co-author of Cyberslammed, tells us some things to consider before posting a selfie, ways that they are being used to cyberbully and how you can help protect your teen.

Click here to watch the 5 min webinar.  

Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Summer Sale: $12.50 Buy The Book